Beautiful
by Calico Magick
Summary: Raven does not feel. She has no emotions, does she? When she breaks down, can anyone save her? [Songfic to 'Beautiful' by Creed]


**

Beautiful  
_Celtic Ravens_

  
  
Disclaimer ** I don't own Teen Titans, nor to I own Creed's song. The lyrics and song belong, like I said, to Creed. Please don't sue me.  
  
**Note:** Pairing may evolve. Don't worry, it isn't going to be a Robin/Raven. If anything it'll be Cyborg/Raven.  
  
**

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

**  
  
The room was darkened to perfection, just dark enough that not even Raven could see the tears running down her face when she peered into the mirror of her mind. Round, dark eyes... unfeeling eyes, looked back at her. In the flickering candle light, she studied those eyes.  
  
Strong, hard eyes. No emotion present. The way it had to be. The way it had to be?  
  
She looked away. Suddenly it was just too much. She clenched her jaw and winced when the taste of iron filled her mouth. She'd bit the inside of her lip.  
  
She raised a hand to her lip, drawing it back with the stain of crimson on the pale, white skin. In the shadows, the blood almost looked black.  
  
"Black like my heart." she mumbled.  
  
**

She wears a coat of color  
Loved by some, feared by others 

**  
  
Hidden here, she could let slip the mask that she so firmly held in place. The others... they all thought she had no emotions. They would each swear in turn that Raven was the rock, the one they could count on no matter what, no matter how dark she seemed.  
  
Even rocks break.  
  
The other Titans... they were her friends, but even they feared her. Even they were not privilege to immortal courage. Even they couldn't lie to her face.  
  
She was the only one who had no haven, no place to be safe, free.  
  
**

She's immortalized in young men's eyes  
Lust she breeds in the eyes of brothers  
Violent sons make bitter mothers 

**  
  
She knew that other emotions tainted the brew of their feelings for her. She could taste lust on the air when she let her cloak fly around her.  
  
She knew she was pretty. Lush violet hair around a perfectly pale face; long, bared legs. What man was immune?  
  
Not Cyborg, she knew. Nor Beast Boy. Both men lusted after her, and she knew it. But it was lust. Never love. Never had she known love.  
  
**

Close your eyes  
Here's your surprise 

**  
  
She stood, a faintly feral smile hiding the pain on her face. She had always known how they'd really felt. Some taint in her abilities, she was sure, but she had always known.  
  
Even when it pained them, she fought smiles. It was their fault, she reasoned. She hadn't asked for their attentions. She had discouraged them.  
  
Faintly, she closed her eyes. When she slowly opened them, she let them fall on the candle flame.  
  
**

But Beautiful is empty  
Beautiful is free 

**  
  
The flame and the void. Clear your mind of all emotions. Even ferocity.  
  
Raising her arms to her side, she let her smile slide from her face. Nothing, empty. She was a shell, merely a shell for her powers.  
  
Isn't that all she was good for?  
  
**

Beautiful loves no one  
Beautiful stripped me 

**  
  
It had started with her father. Dark, cold, uncaring. He'd taught her that emotions were weak. Feeling was unnecessary. Never. She'd never been quite able to master it... losing all emotions.  
  
Then again, she mused, neither had he. The fists he'd brought down on her had been fueled by anger. The times he'd tried to seduce her into using her powers... like he always had.  
  
They couldn't understand. They could never understand.  
  
**

Stripped me  
Stripped me  
She stripped me 

**  
  
She was half demon. Raising her face to peer into the floorlength mirror on her wall, she forced herself not to gasp.  
  
Four eyes. Not two. She shivered, clamping her eyes shut. She locked out her frustrations, and her anger.  
  
She couldn't give in.  
  
"Raven? There's trouble. Let's go!"  
  
**

In your mind  
She's your companion 

**  
  
She knew she shouldn't fight, not now. Not when she was so twisted up inside.   
  
Monotone and stoic, she walked form her room. Forcing a plastic bandage on a gunshot wound, that's what she was doing by ignoring her emotions.  
  
She would deal with it later.  
  
Only Robin seemed to notice anything, and he shook it off as soon as he noticed it.  
  
**

Vile instincts  
Often candid 

**  
  
She didn't wait for a cue, this time. Raising her arms, too much anger released itself into her powers. They raised around her, nearly crushing the enemy they fought.  
  
Starfire gasped, but that was the only sound. Except the screaming.  
  
A strong set of arms drug her back a few steps, but she knocked them aside like a fly with a thought.  
  
Seconds ticked, or were they hours? She couldn't tell now, not when this slime still lived.  
  
"Raven, please desist!"  
  
"Raven!"  
  
"Yo, Rae!"  
  
She shook her head, startled. What were her friends yelling at her about? This was the enemy... the bad guy.  
  
**

Your regret  
Is all that's left 

**  
  
She looked down, suddenly sick to her stomach. Discarded at her feet was a shaking, drooling man. He had once been a criminal. Now he had the thought processes of a vegetable.  
  
Suddenly as weak as a newborn kitten, she stumbled backwards a few steps.  
  
It hurt the most that her friends backed away from her, and surrounded her. Clamping her mouth shut, she forced down her disgust, and her regret.  
  
There was nothing else. Not now.  
  
**

But Beautiful is empty  
Beautiful is free 

**  
  
Afraid even to use enough strength to fly, she turned and forced herself to walk away.  
  
No one followed her.  
  
Empty, free, clean of evil, clear of taint. She fought for control of her mind. She tried to remember what they priests of Azarath had taught her.  
  
They had known that she would face her father's taint, someday. She had, and she had succeeded.  
  
Then why was this so hard?  
  
**

Beautiful loves no one  
Beautiful stripped me  
Stripped me 

**  
  
Emotionless. That was the only safety. She could only be safe is she had no emotions.  
  
She didn't feel the tears, but they ran freely down her face.  
  
She couldn't defeat the emotions this time. For too long she had simply oppressed them. Now, they fought to the surface at the worst time.  
  
**

She told where I'm going  
And it's far away from home 

**  
  
She didn't want to run, but she did. Closing her eyes, she was startled when she ran straight into a rather large something.  
  
A someone, actually, as it turns out.  
  
"Rae, I-"  
  
Cyborg. She swallowed hard and fought to put up a stoic mask. If nothing else, he didn't have to see her cry.  
  
**

I think I'll go there on my own  
I think I'll go there on my own 

**  
  
"Hey, it's alright. I'm alright." she started. Her throat constricted. "It won't happen again."  
  
He looked uncomfortable and she realized what he meant.  
  
They didn't want her around anymore. She started, and tried not to wince.  
  
They were abandoning her.  
  
**

She told me where I'm going  
And it's far away from home 

**  
  
She nodded once, curtly, and tried to brush past him. "I see. I won't bother you guys again."  
  
He caught her arm. "Don't go. I don't want you to leave."  
  
He coughed. "We. We don't want you to leave."  
  
She had noticed the slip of tongue. Looking up at him, she studied his expression.  
  
She was even tempted to use her empathy to see what he was feeling, but decided that emotions weren't worth it before she even fully thought it.  
  
**

I think I'll go there on my own  
I think I'll go there on my own 

**  
  
"Rae, please." he muttered. She averted her eyes.  
  
"Let me go." she returned. He looked a long time at where his hand wrapped around her arm before releasing her.  
  
"Don't go."  
  
**

Beautiful is empty 

**  
  
She paused with her back to him. Empty, she couldn't let any emotions creep into her.  
  
Clear her mind. Clear her thoughts. Clear her heart?  
  
**

Beautiful is free 

**  
  
She turned, finally, and looked at him. She'd never considered heart-feelings before. Never, really. She had never truly known love.  
  
Could a half-demon really know anything but hate and rage?  
  
Could she ever be free of herself?  
  
**

Beautiful loves no one 

**  
  
He took a step towards her and raised a hand to brush away the hood of her cloak. She didn't move, even when he cupped her face.  
  
When he leaned down and kissed her, she realized just how much she'd wanted this.  
  
**

Beautiful stripped me 

**  
  
As each layer of emotions came and faded, only a warm feeling filled her. When finally he pulled away, she wished he hadn't.  
  
"Rae, let me help you. Let me in."  
  
Hesitantly, she raised her arms up around him, a long moment after his arms surrounded her shoulders.  
  
**

Stripped me 

**  
  
"We'll get through your problems, together, Raven."  
  
She didn't realize it, but she had nodded in agreement long before she'd considered it. With his strong arm around her shoulders and supporting her, they returned home.  
  
She couldn't help a smile at how safe she felt in the crook of his arm. Perhaps even she had a haven in this world.  
  
**-Fin**


End file.
